If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
