She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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