hell yes lets make some ravioli
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
