some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
