my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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