it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
