dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
