normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
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