Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Randomize
