I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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