Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
