Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
