oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Randomize
