Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
