just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Congratulations! We have a period
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
