Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
