I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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