Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I can't put those talents on a resume
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Randomize
