i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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