Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
