I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
A+ Viking dick
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
