Plan B is the new Plan A
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
