One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
