non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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