That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
