We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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