He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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