Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
