Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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