$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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