We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
