Where is the hickey?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
