I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
