I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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