shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
