Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
