who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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