Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
My vagina is officially offended.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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