Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
