Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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