When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
