We won't sleep together?
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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