So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
