I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
