i was born a porn star she said
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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