Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
