I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I am spending my child support on dildos
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
