Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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