I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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