the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
you never un-have a 4some
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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