yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Operation Purity has been aborted
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
There r osticjed everywhere
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
